I am living..
sometimes fast sometimes as slow as if I was stuck in a jam jar..
I take notes..
on my mind ..
on voice recorder..
and on fb and my turkish blog.. but I have almost forgotten about this blog..
today I have read corey amaro’s post about “writing about life”..
I am a monkey .. I move too much .. I mean emotionnaly and about my interests..I am a hoarder of interests..
I write my resentments and deep emotions hidden in notebooks..
my memories in drawers..
my ..should or shouldn’t.. would or wouldn’t posts.. on blogs.. my annotations..on fb..
I am a ” task” and “responsabiliy ” person who wants to live a “reclusive” life..
such a strange combination..
that is why I am not a reliable blog writer..
life changes happen .. and I am completely lost..
I start a crafting serial and something happens and I do leave the craft and the writings .. days after when life is back to normal.. but I have already lost all interest about them..
after I have read her post.. I also remembered.. I had an episode of “being straight about life” in my blog in turkish..
I asked my readers.. don’t you ever get mad.. or unhappy or miserable..
and have not being found anyone who agreed with me….
everyone wanted to blog about how great is their cake.. kid.. parties.. husbands.. life .. hollidays and so on..
I was short of time.. sometimes money sometimes.. I was short of love.. or passion or patience..
and I was feeling so lonely.. I know we have “real life” friends to deal with it..
but if or when I was feeling green or blue .. I was not able to write about anything.. and the readers kept leaving messages as ” where are you ” what happened” “are you ok”.. no I wasn’t.. that is why I wasn’t writing.. not to advertise myself as the “miserablest bloger” among all happy others.. I was feeling as they would point at me. and shout.. loooseeeerrrrr…
I stopped that blog.. an started another where I was mostly honest when I wanted to be rude or depressed or cheerful or considered.. I had different readers.. most like me..
telling and laughing about their life.. fighting and sometimes cursing.. ı must tell I love my new style.. and also I love my friends over there..
I am a turkish woman..
I live in Istanbul..
I am a md.. working full time..
I am a quick and odd thinker..
I have a litterary personality..
I have been to a french high school.. educated by catholic nuns.. but I also am a muslim.. though I am not a real practicant..
I am believer ..
I am a european minded middle eastern.. which is the most difficult of situations..
I am reading a lot and writing short stories..assays..
I am a mother of two adolescents.. whom I love and worship and also hate and would like to give a good kick at the nobelest part of their bodies.. I had a husband.. with whom we are separated now.. but who stays still in my life..
and I don’t like that at all..it is like living with a ghost.. but it’s complicated.. and we can’t get to an end..
I am a crafter .. gardener..
I lack time..
on my first blog.. “createacraft” on blogspot.. I was writing happily about daily life and had friends and readers.. I liked this connection with crafters.. women.. wise women from all over the world..
then I posted about Orhan Pamuk who I believe is a great writer .. and a writer doenot have not be a great person or a great politician or any other great thing.. he / she is great in writing and this is more than enough.. yes I wrote about o. pamuk’s nobel prize talk..and some lady came and commented bitterly..
saying that “we”.. by which she mentionned the nation to which I belong .. had refused the nobel prize that he had won.. and the writer as well..
I don’t want to mention which nation she was from..
even though she was living in canada.. and that she had just written about her original nation after my worshipping comments about her garden.. and art..
I felt so frustrated..
and tried to heal ..
some other misfortune happened..
the terrorist attacks that take place in my country every other day..re-started on a daily basis.. some political problems aroused.. which made me and a part of my nation were alarmed..
plus some personal problems..
these alltogether deprived my joy of blogging..
middle eastern countries may have a change of agenda.. as quick as an eye blink..
I have not written for a long time..on create a craft..
then I have started this one.. I choose the same name as my blog in turkish which is on a different site..and another one ataletboudoir about my crafts.. that makes three.. three sides of myself.. the universal one.. the turkish woman one and the crafter one..
maybe I should have a single site with different subtitles..
easier to handle.. because to have three blogs on three different sites.. makes life complicated..
should think about it..
but first should re-enjoy writing here about daily life.. no matter the comments of people who consider themselves a “nation people” tarnishing my life pleasure.. which is.. overdued.. because I really work hard and long to become a pleasure..
stability, decisiveness.. these are what I need to pursuit my blog writings..