I have always liked bananas..

and I have seen many  banana bread recipes ..

I had never eaten it before but I was sure I would like it..

as I liked every pastry with  bananas..

until I found this very inspiring post at Alisiaburke’s blog..

what is good is that I thought I would give this recipe a try..

it is good because..

I have had some problems around the house for some time now..

and I was not cooking much lately..

it is the first recipe I have wanted to try..

sometimes I feel or say so.. but this time I knew that I would cook this.. I have even announce it.. “I will cook banana bread on weekend”

this means that I have started to heal

a bit..

and the result is that I need to cook .. for my family..

It is hard to write about this..

sometimes you have to have to make decisions that you thought you never would.. nor  you nor anybody should.. at any means.. under any circumstances..

in my country we say.. ” eat big morcels.. but don’t say big phrases” because a big phrase is harder to swallow than the big morcel..

well this happened to me.. all my life ı had one belief.. and stupid I am I have still been caught up unprepared..

and it is very hard to get adapted to this situation..

looking at me everyone thinks I have changed..

it is not true..

when I was very sorry.. for myself for everything it is true that I have tried to change.. I have put all my friends and family in a starving period.. I wanted they starving for my normal cares.. empathy.. affection..

I was feeling like an empty   shell I was not where my  body was.. it was as if my  soul.. or things that make the grand ME  were not there anymore..

bits and pieces that made me different.. from the others..

sometimes people were saying they felt the difference.. but I was revulsive.. I enjoyed they notice the difference.. I declared.. ı will never ever change.. I was in a new lifestyle and enjoyed it.. I was sorry for their “missing this stupid old me” but that I was happy with the new one..

is it possible for a woman in her fifties to change that much.. to become the anti-herself.. it was.. a new experience..

I rejected..

then my home became a house..

then my family kitchen became a kitchen..

I tried my best to keep a normal relation with my kids.. who were so understanding and a great support for me.. it went on a year.. more ar less..

then.. as everything is healed with time.. I have  started to feel better..

I am  accustomed to this new situation..

I  know you will change the situation whenever I will be able to..

I know I don’t have to hide myself away.. I may be the same stupid old me again.. a litter bitter maybe.. a little wiser..

This autumn is my coming back ..

and there are so many things to do..

just like this banana bread..

Thank you AlisiaBurke..

It was a very successful trial.. due to the detailed recipe.. it is hard to cook something you have not even tasted before..

but ı did.. and I liked it very much..

I have done a small change though..

we don’t have any ready  apple sauce in here.. and I didn’t want to google to see how it can be done..

I used my imagination..

I didn’t have apples as well yesterday..

so ı went into the garden.. picked some very ripe pears..

grated them with a very fine grater.. I had   a pear puree.. added very little sugar.. then cooked it on low temperature until all the juice was evaporated.. if I had apples.. ı would do the same with them..

but I used this purely hypothetical  “pear butter” of mine..

it worked..

it worked great..

I have cooked a healty banana bread..=) which  means I have a healthier mind..

I enjoyed it very much ..

the cooking.. tasting.. sharing and all..

thank you alisia