balcony in the room .. Monday, Aug 8 2011 

one old dark brown wardrobe..
white paint..

and a beautiful meditarenean printed fabric..


a few hours and inspiration..

result in..

a balcony in the room.. I love it each time I open the doors.. =D

I want to move in =)

I am ashamed.. Thursday, Aug 4 2011 

I am living..
sometimes fast sometimes as slow as if I was stuck in a jam jar..

I take notes..
on my mind ..
on voice recorder..
on books..
and on fb and my turkish blog.. but I have almost forgotten about this blog..
today I have read corey amaro’s post about “writing about life”..

I am a monkey .. I move too much .. I mean emotionnaly and about my interests..I am a hoarder of interests..
I write my resentments and deep emotions hidden in notebooks..
my memories in drawers..
my ..should or shouldn’t.. would or wouldn’t posts.. on blogs.. my annotations..on fb..

I am a ” task” and “responsabiliy ” person who wants to live a “reclusive” life..
such a strange combination..

that is why I am not a reliable blog writer..
life changes happen .. and I am completely lost..
I start a crafting serial and something happens and I do leave the craft and the writings .. days after when life is back to normal.. but I have already lost all interest about them..

after I have read her post.. I also remembered.. I had an episode of “being straight about life” in my blog in turkish..
I asked my readers.. don’t you ever get mad.. or unhappy or miserable..
and have not being found anyone who agreed with me….
everyone wanted to blog about how great is their cake.. kid.. parties.. husbands.. life .. hollidays and so on..

I didn’t..
I was short of time.. sometimes money sometimes.. I was short of love.. or passion or patience..
and I was feeling so lonely.. I know we have “real life” friends to deal with it..
but if or when I was feeling green or blue .. I was not able to write about anything.. and the readers kept leaving messages as ” where are you ” what happened” “are you ok”.. no I wasn’t.. that is why I wasn’t writing.. not to advertise myself as the “miserablest bloger” among all happy others.. I was feeling as they would point at me. and shout.. loooseeeerrrrr…

I stopped that blog.. an started another where I was mostly honest when I wanted to be rude or depressed or cheerful or considered.. I had different readers.. most like me..
telling and laughing about their life.. fighting and sometimes cursing.. ı must tell I love my new style.. and also I love my friends over there..

I am a turkish woman..
I live in Istanbul..
I am a md.. working full time..
I am a quick and odd thinker..
I have a litterary personality..
I have been to a french high school.. educated by catholic nuns.. but I also am a muslim.. though I am not a real practicant..
I am believer ..
I am a european minded middle eastern.. which is the most difficult of situations..
I am reading a lot and writing short stories..assays..
I am a mother of two adolescents.. whom I love and worship and also hate and would like to give a good kick at the nobelest part of their bodies.. I had a husband.. with whom we are separated now.. but who stays still in my life..
and I don’t like that at all..it is like living with a ghost.. but it’s complicated.. and we can’t get to an end..
I am a crafter .. gardener..
I lack time..

on my first blog.. “createacraft” on blogspot.. I was writing happily about daily life and had friends and readers.. I liked this connection with crafters.. women.. wise women from all over the world..
then I posted about Orhan Pamuk who I believe is a great writer .. and a writer doenot have not be a great person or a great politician or any other great thing.. he / she is great in writing and this is more than enough.. yes I wrote about o. pamuk’s nobel prize talk..and some lady came and commented bitterly..
saying that “we”.. by which she mentionned the nation to which I belong .. had refused the nobel prize that he had won.. and the writer as well..
I don’t want to mention which nation she was from..
even though she was living in canada.. and that she had just written about her original nation after my worshipping comments about her garden.. and art..

I felt so frustrated..
and tried to heal ..
some other misfortune happened..
the terrorist attacks that take place in my country every other day..re-started on a daily basis.. some political problems aroused.. which made me and a part of my nation were alarmed..
plus some personal problems..
these alltogether deprived my joy of blogging..

middle eastern countries may have a change of agenda.. as quick as an eye blink..

I have not written for a long time..on create a craft..
then I have started this one.. I choose the same name as my blog in turkish which is on a different site..and another one ataletboudoir about my crafts.. that makes three.. three sides of myself.. the universal one.. the turkish woman one and the crafter one..

maybe I should have a single site with different subtitles..
easier to handle.. because to have three blogs on three different sites.. makes life complicated..
should think about it..

but first should re-enjoy writing here about daily life.. no matter the comments of people who consider themselves a “nation people” tarnishing my life pleasure.. which is.. overdued.. because I really work hard and long to become a pleasure..

stability, decisiveness.. these are what I need to pursuit my blog writings..

…………

new year preparations Thursday, Dec 16 2010 

don’ leave any of your decisions and any of the items on your  “to do list” to next year =)

 

banana bread Monday, Oct 4 2010 

I have always liked bananas..

and I have seen many  banana bread recipes ..

I had never eaten it before but I was sure I would like it..

as I liked every pastry with  bananas..

until I found this very inspiring post at Alisiaburke’s blog..

what is good is that I thought I would give this recipe a try..

it is good because..

I have had some problems around the house for some time now..

and I was not cooking much lately..

it is the first recipe I have wanted to try..

sometimes I feel or say so.. but this time I knew that I would cook this.. I have even announce it.. “I will cook banana bread on weekend”

this means that I have started to heal

a bit..

and the result is that I need to cook .. for my family..

It is hard to write about this..

sometimes you have to have to make decisions that you thought you never would.. nor  you nor anybody should.. at any means.. under any circumstances..

in my country we say.. ” eat big morcels.. but don’t say big phrases” because a big phrase is harder to swallow than the big morcel..

well this happened to me.. all my life ı had one belief.. and stupid I am I have still been caught up unprepared..

and it is very hard to get adapted to this situation..

looking at me everyone thinks I have changed..

it is not true..

when I was very sorry.. for myself for everything it is true that I have tried to change.. I have put all my friends and family in a starving period.. I wanted they starving for my normal cares.. empathy.. affection..

I was feeling like an empty   shell I was not where my  body was.. it was as if my  soul.. or things that make the grand ME  were not there anymore..

bits and pieces that made me different.. from the others..

sometimes people were saying they felt the difference.. but I was revulsive.. I enjoyed they notice the difference.. I declared.. ı will never ever change.. I was in a new lifestyle and enjoyed it.. I was sorry for their “missing this stupid old me” but that I was happy with the new one..

is it possible for a woman in her fifties to change that much.. to become the anti-herself.. it was.. a new experience..

I rejected..

then my home became a house..

then my family kitchen became a kitchen..

I tried my best to keep a normal relation with my kids.. who were so understanding and a great support for me.. it went on a year.. more ar less..

then.. as everything is healed with time.. I have  started to feel better..

I am  accustomed to this new situation..

I  know you will change the situation whenever I will be able to..

I know I don’t have to hide myself away.. I may be the same stupid old me again.. a litter bitter maybe.. a little wiser..

This autumn is my coming back ..

and there are so many things to do..

just like this banana bread..

Thank you AlisiaBurke..

It was a very successful trial.. due to the detailed recipe.. it is hard to cook something you have not even tasted before..

but ı did.. and I liked it very much..

I have done a small change though..

we don’t have any ready  apple sauce in here.. and I didn’t want to google to see how it can be done..

I used my imagination..

I didn’t have apples as well yesterday..

so ı went into the garden.. picked some very ripe pears..

grated them with a very fine grater.. I had   a pear puree.. added very little sugar.. then cooked it on low temperature until all the juice was evaporated.. if I had apples.. ı would do the same with them..

but I used this purely hypothetical  “pear butter” of mine..

it worked..

it worked great..

I have cooked a healty banana bread..=) which  means I have a healthier mind..

I enjoyed it very much ..

the cooking.. tasting.. sharing and all..

thank you alisia

fall colours in the house.. Monday, Sep 27 2010 

I have a new sofa.. a sofa with lots of story behind..

a sofa that I dislike so much..

it’s presence is a burden..

but I must keep it..

don’t ask me why..

I have disguised it wit a throw.. and white crisp pillows during summer..

now it’s autumn.. I want warm colours around me..

It’s not  cold yet..

but I know it is fall..

I need the colours.. white is chilly right now..

I have started some cover ups..

I have used the arms of two sweaters I am repurposing to cover my vases.. still feelin chilly..

a small red wooden box and a small branch of pyrrachanta from the garden..

a brown ceramic vase of scented candle to balance the brown wool sweater arm.. on the right..

I also have found the right inspiration ..

from a wallpaper =).. yes from a wallpaper design I have seen at poppytalk blog..

beautiful colours.. uneven  stripes .. lace and even glitter..

I have started knitting it..

I know I have to finish my daughter’s bag.. but I have always been a good and fast knitter..never been one who makes the finishings..

I’ll do that.. I just want to enjoy a few more rows..

have a great week..

enjoy

I know .. Tuesday, Sep 21 2010 

I am not a persistant person..

we call .. “having the appetit of a monkey”  people like me..

I do things.. but I do not blog..

I do blog but not in here..

I do craft but I do not blog about them..

what is funny is that I started blogging because of my craft addiction..

I am an untreatable procrastinator..

but it is autumn..

I love it..

I read a quote last dat..

“‎”I’ve never known anyone yet who doesn’t suffer a certain restlessness when autumn rolls around… We’re all eight years old again and anything is possible. ” –Sue Grafton

so forget this child..

I am knitting right now.. a “chiné” handbag for my daughter.. black and red..

will be embellished..

schools have started yesterday..

my daughter has starte the art school .. she is a music student now..

and my son has started the university..

and this year ı feel they have grown up..

and I have much more time to .. live .. craft and enjoy..

I have done great job this summer..

done the library..

designed  some corners

and now I am de-structuring  clothes.. knits.. restructuring.. re-purposing..

cutcutcut..

knitknitknit

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prepare most of all…..

will come with photos..

rusty weekend Saturday, Jul 17 2010 

I love woman who craft..I like woman crafters who write blog.. I admire woman crafters who have a story ..

and funky junk interiors has a special place in my blog life..

I have been following her posts for a long time.. althought started to comment very recently..

and I can tell here that I worshipped all the details..

this weekend she shared “rust” with us.. and this is a rust party..

so I went out in the garden..

and tried to catch the rusty details that are there.. because of her and many other shabby chic masterer bloggers….

before them I would paint or throw away these rusty pieces..

but this year I have preserved the rust.. I have just warnished over.. after sanding and dusting them..

now I know that the best light is rusty lantern ..

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the best time is gardening time..

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I can even tell that the best flawers are the rusty ones..

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I will add my garden pictures when I finish tidying up.. =9

thank you donna for giving me a motivation to work in the garden under this heat and humidity wave that hits Istanbul right now =P..

enjoy your weekend..

I am linking this article to saturday nite specials party

in urgent need of .. Friday, Jul 16 2010 

some art on the wall a..bove my library..

a few months ago I read an article.. there also were two photographs.. one a black and white photography of a lady.. sitting by the window.. readin a book .. there was a round tea table and a coffee cup and a table lamp.. next to it was the photography of a glamorous young woman in her “negligee”.. sitting in a boudoir style bedroom .. sitting at her dressing table..

the writer was telling she doesn’t know which one reflected her better. because she liked both equally.. being glamorous and intellectual..

both are time consuming.. you don’t get glamour nor culture over night..and when I mean glamour.. I don’t mean basic “looking good” activities =P..

I thought I was in a worse condition than this writer..because I like crafting as much as the other two .. and crafting is a time consuming process as well ..

some time ago I saw the work of a photographer.. a vignette composed by a glamoroue stiletto over some old books.. it reminded me of the article..

then I also remembered the saying of Borges.. I always believed that paradise shoul be sort of a library..

and then I decided that I needed “art” for the wall over the renewed “bibliotheque”

so I grabbed one of my shoes and put it in the middle of my coffee table .. among the already existing objects..

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another obsession of mine are seagulls.. I have taken so many photographs od seagulls.. it is not only because they remind you about the sea and escapes.. but for me they also are a reminder of the “Jonathan the seagull”

so I added one of my seagull photografs as a layer..

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it looked great..

then came the great saying of Borges.. and also a little “canvas layering”..  and here is my art ready to be “ mod podged” on a painters block and hung..

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I love art.. I love photography and I love GIMP =P

ps: I ranged the shoe back to where it belonged after taking the photography..

ps2: I am in urgent need of art and also something to occupy my mind.. my son has passed the exam that all young people who want to go to university have to go through.. he has quite a good result.. but as a perfectionist he is not satisfied with himself with me with nothing..

we also have some adolescent girl issues over.. so I need to occupy my mind ..  until every one settles down..

have all a great weekend..

funny how a small change changes so much.. Wednesday, Jul 14 2010 

in life and in the house..

the problem is ..

ok ..

I will try to start again..

whenever I feel bored I try to change my house..

when I was a youngster I used to change my room..

mum did so with her house.. and she kept saying “disturbed minds.. change their decor”

it is a family issue..

I am disturbed .. there a some great changes I have to do.. but I cannot find the energy and inspiration to do it.. but I cannot keep still as well ..

I once read something about organizing.. it said when yo declutter a space keep it under control and keep it neat.. so that you can continue on decluttering..

the same goes for beautifying a space..

I started with a huge project..

the library..

it took a month ..

in the mean time a readyed some decorations that I wanted to use later..

and this meant I lived in knee high clutter..

in the garden and in the living room..

now the library is finished.. so-so.. just some more book covers which isn’t an emergency..

last saturday I went to purchase some glass globes for my chandelier..

it went sweet.. I now have.. a beautiful.. honey coloured glassed chandelier.. I can use these eco lights without suffering from migraine..

I also purchased a white and a chocolate brown pillow case for the ugly brown sofa..

I also went into the kitchen cabinets.. I have found some accessories I never use..

so I have spray painted them in black.. and the glass topped chess board as well ..

I have placed candles over it.. looks nice..

I have taken off the frames of some paintings.. now they look “french”

the problem is.. I don’t have too many surfaces to beautify.. and an endless wish of doing decor objects..

and not enough cabinets to keep them..

so it is cluttered again..

this corner looks great now.. /she means the library and the chandelier../

what are you planning now mum said my daughter yester-evening.. when I was sitting .. looking around hopeless..

I just told her..

I cleaned up the surface of the table.. and the glass cabinet.. but now all other surfaces are cluttered.. =P..

today my carpets are coming back from the cleaner..

I am fed up with decluttering the same places again and again..

not doing anything very appreciable Tuesday, Jul 13 2010 

but not stopping ..as well.. which is a good thing..

I had a list of thhings to be done..

so I am trying to finish these..

spray painting some porcelain things in white..

a soap dispenser and a soap dish for the kitchen..

a toothbrush holder too.. but I will use it as a pen holder on my desk..

an ebony coloured wooden tray.. spray painted in black.. I have white accesoories for it.. or mayby some candles as a centerpiece..in the garden..

playing with my collection pf shells..

admiring the subtle colours..

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